I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got inside last night via doggy door
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
