is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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