no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I could fuck to npr.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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