guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
