Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
