Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
