who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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