Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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