Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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