thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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