we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
