you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
