I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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