Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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