my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
