I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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