I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
