Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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