saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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