if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
