No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
