if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
