I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
