Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
