I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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