I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
