I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
