1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
