I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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