Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
