I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
