Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
