So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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