I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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