Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
