Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
