Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
