When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
