Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
