I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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