we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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