I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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