Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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