Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
its liver damage thursday
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
