i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
