You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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