why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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