so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
