From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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