I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
