dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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