Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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