I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
